


i think you and the moon and neptune got it right

by buildyourownarchitecture



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-25
Updated: 2017-07-13
Packaged: 2018-04-01 05:25:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 17,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4007524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buildyourownarchitecture/pseuds/buildyourownarchitecture
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke Griffin, rising sophomore at Polis College, has just taken on a Resident Assistant position, thanks to her big cousin Bellamy.  She's excited, nervous, and a little overwhelmed, especially when she realizes Lexa Woods (you know, the Junior she had been low-key crushing on only all of last year) is not only one of the head RAs, but also living directly two floors above her.  Between controlling her chill, learning the ropes, still kind of healing from her high school sweetheart dying, and desperately trying to keep her other cousin, Octavia, out of any serious trouble, things are bound to get interesting, and quickly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. i think the universe is on my side

**Author's Note:**

> so i started another thing (with all the free time i don't have??). here goes.
> 
> a huge thank you and shout-out goes to my wonderful beta, meredith (imjustakoalabear on tumblr)! thank you, thank you, thank you!

“Oh. Crap.”

“Raven!” Clarke snapped, turning her head to look down the staircase at her friend. “You are supposed to be helping, not breaking my stuff.”

The other girl gave Clarke a glare.  “I’m trying. Maybe if you didn’t pack the entire world…”

“I won’t be home until Christmas break.  I had to pack everything, moron.”

“Stop calling me names or I’m going to stop helping you!”

Clarke groaned and held the door open when she got to the top of the steps. “Yeah, yeah, come on, slow poke.”

After letting Raven walk through the door (and ignoring the glare and dramatic showcase of her brace sent her way), Clarke grabbed the suitcase she had let sit on the ground and resituated the rest of her belongings that were in her arms.

“Which way?” Raven asked her.

“Through that door, I think…this is 305, so I’m probably down at the other end.”

Groaning, Raven glared again.  “Why, of course you are.”

“You know, you could have just stayed back at the hotel with my mom if you were going to be this much of a pain in my a-“

Before Clarke could finish talking, she saw her wallet sliding off of the box she was carrying.  Making a grab for it with the hand that held her suitcase, she accidently hit the bottom of the box and sent pictures, books, and other random things that were stored inside flying everywhere. 

“Shit,” she muttered, cringing as everything made a rather loud crashing noise.

Raven was busy cackling and mocking her, while Clarke scrambled to pick some of her things up. “Can you please stop finding ways to make this day worse and get down here to help me?”

Helping Clarke (helping meaning chucking random art supplies, pictures, and _whatever the hell the rest was_ ) quickly refill the box, Raven grimaced every time she came across a picture of Clarke in high school, waiting for the inevitable one of Finn and her to appear.

Noticing her best friend’s face, Clarke finished placing her things back inside the box and stood up, pulling Raven with her.  “I’m not going to crack,” she promised, gripping the brunette’s shoulders. “He was my first love and losing him was terrifying and heart wrenching and…”  Pulling back, Clarke toyed with her hands and blinked to rid herself of any chance of oncoming tears.  “I’m still healing, but things are a lot more patched up than they were a year ago. I appreciate the concern and the love, I do, but I need you to stop walking on eggshells with everything Finn related. If you stop, everyone else will, too.”

Taking a moment and following Clarke’s eye movements, Raven let her frown form a more neutral position on her face.  Quickly hugging the other girl, Raven whispered an “I’ll try” in her ear before promptly pushing her away and rolling her eyes.  “If you want to get the shit out of your car in enough time to make your stupid ‘welcome back’ event, you better get your ass in gear!”

XXXXX

Checking her phone’s screen for what felt like the hundredth time in the last two minutes, Clarke continued running, ignoring the burn in her legs and sweat dripping down her neck, probably ruining her hair and any composure she was hoping to have. She had forgotten how stifling the heat could be in Polis.  Polis College was about three hours from the North Carolina coast, but that didn’t stop the town from feeling as if the sun was literally swallowing everyone whole until at least mid-September.

Clutching her lanyard and phone, Clarke tore up the steps of the Polis student center, ripped the door open after slamming her id card against the reader (rolling her eyes as she did so, because, really who wanted to sneak into the student center before school started up again), and flew down the steps, slowing her pace two-thirds of the way down to avoid looking like a complete idiot.

After a quick first glance around the empty cafeteria, she realized slowing down was done entirely in vain and sprinted across the room.  “Bellamy!” Slamming on the brakes and flying into his arms, Clarke clutched around his neck. 

Feeling Bellamy reach around to place the cup he was carrying on the counter behind them, Clarke peeled herself off of him.  “Hi,” she whispered, bright smile lighting up her face.

Smiling back at her, Bellamy found his arms pulling Clarke into another hug. “Hi, princess.”

Someone clearing their throat, rather obnoxiously, caused the pair to finally disentangle. A quick glance to his left told Bellamy how he was going to respond before the person near them even opened his mouth.

“So,” Wick began, raising an eyebrow suggestively.  “Who’s the fresh meat?”

Rolling his eyes, Bellamy began to say something, but Clarke’s voice interrupted him. “I’m not fresh meat, jag off. I do have a name. It’s Clarke.  And, _ew_ , Bellamy is my cousin, but thanks for leaving me with _that_ nauseous feeling in the pit of my stomach.”

Eyebrows raised with an impressed look on his face, Wick stuck out his hand. “Well that’s that I guess. I’m Wick.  Senior, second floor of Dune.”

Sighing and reminding herself to give this guy a second chance at a first impression, she stuck her own hand out to shake.  “Clarke. Sophomore, third floor Cepa.”

Wick was already pulling away and grabbing his plate to walk back to the conference room, where their welcome back event was being held, when he snorted loudly. “Good luck with that.”

Once he was far enough out of earshot, Clarke turned toward Bellamy, swiping his drink and trying to multitask and quickly decide what she wanted to eat. “What did he mean by that?” she asked, reaching for a spoon to dish out pasta. 

“Ignore him,” Bellamy began, finishing making his own plate (full of things Clarke could vomit at the thought of being mixed together).  “He was referring to Lexa, but she’s great.  He’s just an ass and gets himself into a constant state of trouble.”

“The head RA Lexa?  Sexy, straight-faced Lexa? She’s in my building?”

“Top floor,” Bellamy provided, smirking when Clarke almost burned herself putting broccoli onto her plate after hearing him.  “I reserve the right to tease you about this later, but we should probably head back. I can just hear Kane’s speech about tardiness from here.”

Trying to play it cool and following Bellamy down the hall, Clarke tried to identify what exactly was making her stomach erupt in dinosaur-sized butterflies. Rolling her eyes at herself, she gave up her internal debate.  She was nervous about starting this damn job to begin with and now the upperclassman who she was enamored with was not only her supervisor, but also living directly two floors above her.

Sliding into a seat next to Bellamy, Clarke glanced around the room, waving at her friends and those she knew and trying to remember the names of the older RAs. Octavia, Bellamy’s sister and her cousin, got written up enough for Clarke to know all of their social security numbers and life aspirations.  She should have been able to remember everyone’s name, at the very least, but all she could think about was that Lexa was nowhere to be found.

Before she could really overanalyze her crush missing in action, the brunette _glided, literally glided_ , into the room, setting a salad and tea down at a table with a few other upperclassmen, and sweeping her eyes across the room.  With a slight head nod, which probably would have gone unnoticed by everyone in the room had it not been for Clarke’s eagle eye on the girl, Lexa walked to the middle of the space.

“Hello, everyone. Welcome back.”

“Hey, partner!”

Clarke glanced to her left, where Bellamy was seated.  Cringing in both embarrassment and with the realization that Bellamy was the other head RA and would be working closely with Lexa all year, Clarke tried to not sink down into, _or under for that matter,_ her seat.  Hiding her face with her hand, she quietly groaned.  When she gathered enough composure to glance back to the center of the room, Lexa was sporting what Clarke thought was the first and only smile she’d ever seen cross the girl’s face.  Bellamy kicking her under the table helped her realize that smile was directed at her and any thought of keeping the blush out of her cheeks flew out the window. Smiling back, Clarke playfully swatted at her cousin.  “Ignore him. I promise he’s not always this weird.”

Lexa threw a nod in her direction and although the smile had left her face, Clarke noticed the light and humor in her eyes.  Maybe this whole RA thing would be a lot better than she had anticipated.

XXXXX

Laughter falling out of her mouth, Clarke spun a 180 and almost choked on air. The group was playing a series of ‘get to know you’ games, currently conquering Two Truths and a Lie, and Lexa was now standing smack dab in front of her.  Partially too caught up in the fun she was having, Clarke continued laughing.  “Hi,” she greeted, eyes shining at Lexa and watching, with delight, as the right side of her mouth curled up into a half smile.

“Hello, Clarke.”

“I’m really glad I chose to do this,” Clarke blurted, wishing she wouldn’t look even more like an idiot if she slammed a hand over her mouth.  “Uh…”

“I’m glad you are enjoying yourself,” Lexa purposefully added, saving the blonde from any further embarrassment.  “You come highly recommended.”

“Oh?”

Lexa answered with another nod.

“I hope you don’t mean by Bellamy, because, well, if you have that much faith in him, you’re going to be really let down this year,” Clarke joked, watching Lexa bow her head in what _seemed_ like a chuckle, brown curls covering her face in the process.  “So,” Clarke continued, finally noticing her heart rate and reprimanding herself for not thinking of better statements for this stupid game. If she knew she’d eventually pair up with Lexa, she would have spent _all fucking summer_ thinking of the two absolute coolest things about herself and a really great lie that didn’t sound like she was making herself out to be a wannabe badass.

“You can go first,” Lexa offered, abruptly pulling Clarke out of her thoughts.

‘ _Great,’_ Clarke thought.  ‘ _Of course I can.’_ “Okay, hm. I’m an art therapy major, I’m from Pitt-“

Clarke’s jaw almost dropped when Lexa cut her off.  “If you are going to use statements like that, we may as well skip your turn.”

“What do you mean?”

“Clarke, I hired you.  I know your major and where you are from.”

Frowning, Clarke balled her lips into the corner of her mouth and wracked her brain. “Okay fine.  What makes me most sad is that my dad won’t be able to walk me down the aisle when, well _if_ , anyone ever wants to marry me.  I think water is thicker than blood.  And I’m so terrified of swimming that I have been forging notes to get me out of swim classes since high school.”

Wishing the look on Lexa’s face was more ‘challenge accepted’ rather than sheer shock, quickly masked by composure, Clarke internally kicked herself, _hard_ , as the words she just blurted out kept flying through her brain.

“I don’t-“

“Ohhhhh the commander is stumped!  Hurry up and lose the round so we can move on!  You two are the only ones not finished yet,” the pair heard.

“Quiet, Anya,” Lexa snapped, eyes swiping back to Clarke’s face as the group’s chatter began up again.

“You think blood is thicker than water.  That one was a lie.”

Allowing a smirk to frame her face, Clarke shook her head, watching Lexa’s eyes follow the gentle swish of her ponytail.  “Wrong, although nice try since, ya know, Bell and all.  I’ve only been forging notes to get out of swimming since college.”

Almost calling Clarke out on her use of a tricky play on words, Lexa decided not to. The immediate mist that covered the blonde’s eyes as she finished telling Lexa her lie did not seem like an appropriate sign to go ahead and push the envelope.  In fact, as she watched Clarke blink away threatening tears, Lexa realized there was much more to the girl’s swimming story than she felt equipped to handle right now.

Realizing she should up her own game, Lexa took a moment to brainstorm, but ended up half-assing her statements, for more reasons than she could count. “My favorite show is Teen Mom, I would probably, actually, and seriously harm someone to steal their Rita’s Water Ice, and I like to eat squid.”

Snorting, Clarke shook her head.  “You do not. No way.  And your favorite television show is _definitely_ Teen Mom.”

“I…” Cocking her head to the side, Lexa realized she had just inadvertently mortified herself in front of a girl she had realistically known for only 45 minutes. “You can’t tell anyone that.”

Still laughing, but trying her hardest to reign herself in, because, hello, _the girl in front of her was stunning and smart and kinda her fucking boss_ , Clarke stuck out a pinky.  “Promise.”  Noticing the confused look fall across the taller girl’s face, Clarke scoffed. “Please tell me you’ve pinky promised before?  What kind of human are you?”

Sneering, Lexa quickly twisted their pinkies together before taking two steps back. “Of course I have,” she lied, ignoring the way Clarke’s left eyebrow rose in speculation.  “Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to instruct everyone on our next activity.”

Falling in line with everyone else in the room, Clarke tried to keep the smirk off her face. Lexa was busy blabbing, well blabbing in as few (entirely too formal) words as possible, the directions to their next ‘get to know you’ game, but all Clarke’s could think about was how fun this year actually could turn out to be, if she played her cards right.


	2. heaven and earth have finally aligned

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> clarke does laundry (and throws herself a solo dance party) and lexa learns what a freeze pop is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a huge thank you and shout-out goes to my wonderful beta, meredith (imjustakoalabear on tumblr)! thank you, thank you, thank you!

High from all the energy she had gathered over the past few hours during the welcome back event, Clarke asked herself, _w_ _hat better time to throw in a quick load of laundry_ (which mainly consisted of her clothes from the past few days) _than 11:30 at night?_

Clarke grinned when she saw one of Raven’s red tank tops hiding in her own dirty laundry bag. She threw the shirt in the washing machine with her load of colors and sifted through the rest of the clothes, letting her mind wander.  Her mom was probably watching some sappy movie right now, pretending not to cry over college beginning up again for the year.

Clarke’s mom had insisted on bringing her down to school, reasoning that even if this was her sophomore year, she was moving into a freshmen building.  Clarke vividly remembered rolling her eyes and remarking that she was moving in as an upperclassman RA, _not as a freshman again_.  Nonetheless, Abby Griffin didn’t relent. Clarke realized that her mom probably wanted to spend at least a few hours with her niece and nephew and have time for a proper goodbye with both Clarke and Raven.  So the trio had slowly made their way down the east coast, stopping at stupid attractions and taking their time to enjoy the past few days.

Raven and Clarke had practically grown up together, along with the Blake siblings. While Raven wasn’t her biological sister, Abby and Jake had taken one look at the feisty four-year-old back in Pre-K and immediately decided to make sure she was cared for, clothed, fed, housed, and loved.  Two years later, Raven moved in with them, after her then foster family decided to move cross-country.  By age eleven, Raven was officially a member of the Griffin household. The girl chose to keep her own last name though, which Clarke definitely understood.

It wasn’t that Raven hated her birth parents.  They just weren’t set out to be great parents.  In fact, Clarke was surprised to find that once Raven had moved in with them and the Griffins took legal responsibility for her, Mr. and Mrs. Reyes actually became _better_ parents in some strange, warped way.  Her best friend received yearly birthday and holiday cards and presents, monthly (although brief) phone calls, and random emails or text messages that meant a lot more to Raven than she cared to admit.  Of course, Clarke (and everyone else) knew their relationship wasn’t all sunshine and butterflies.  Nothing in Raven’s life really was. Clarke was just happy to see her best friend receive a tiny bit of happiness from the twisted, fucked up situation she was in, one that Clarke wouldn’t wish on anyone in a million years.  

Clarke shook her head at the thoughts and reminded herself not to go down a negative road tonight, especially when she was feeling this good.  Twisting to slam one of the washing machines shut and begin loading the other with detergent and fresh rainwater scent beads, her body and mind immediately perked up as Classic by MKTO began playing out of her left ear bud.  After a quick glance around, she remembered that no one was actually in the building, besides four other RAs on separate floors. She slipped the right earphone in, not worried right now about being unsafe or missing someone creep up behind her and like, knock her out or something.  Damn Octavia for ever putting that idea in her head in the first place.  Her cousin was an idiot.  “Clarke, be careful in that big, spooky building all alooooooone,” Clarke mocked from memory.

She jumped around and let her ponytail swish from side to side as she finished putting her two loads in (suspiciously more full of Raven’s clothes than her own). Clarke laughed quietly to herself when her sock clad feet slid across the linoleum, her body stopping only when it collided with a dryer.  Being on campus, basically alone, was actually turning out to be really fun, although she was sure she’d soon be begging her mom to let Raven stay with her in the dorm instead of her hotel room.  

The chorus of her song began and Clarke, feeling free and relaxed, started singing along.  Whether it was the song blaring into her ears, her own obnoxious voice, or some combination of the two, Clarke entirely missed Lexa entering the laundry room, noisily dropping her own laundry basket on the ground (to try and avoid sneaking up on or startling Clarke), crossing her arms, and leaning against the door jam in quiet amusement.  

A minute and a half later and Clarke had basically gotten through the entire song. She was no longer on a mission to get back to her room, but rather enjoying herself and lost in the moment.  Throwing her arms up and spinning, she came face to face with a smirking Lexa and nearly jumped out of her skin.  She ripped her earbuds out and fumbled to push the pause button on her iPhone, dropping the device in the process. Clarke groaned when her basically brand new, cloud and sky-decorated case busted, a chunk flying under the dryer closest to her.

“Shit,” she mumbled, quickly kneeling down, grabbing her phone, and flipping it upright to survey the screen’s damage.  

Lexa cringed too, and the smirk slipped off her face almost as quickly as it had appeared.  

Sighing in relief and popping up from her spot on the ground, Clarke set her eyes on the other girl and smiled.  “It’s fine!  Just my case, but whatever.  Got that online for like a dollar and eleven cents or something. Anyways.  Um, hey.”

“One dollar and eleven cents?” Lexa deadpanned, trying to remain composed, which was proving difficult given the blonde’s buzzing energy and increasingly charismatic and fascinating nature.

Clarke shrugged.  “Uh, it was probably thirteen cents, maybe.”

Lexa tried not to laugh.  “Right.”  At Clarke’s grin, the brunette continued, “Well, hello.”

Clarke waved goofily and began packing her things back up, throwing her scent beads into her now empty basket and stuffing her detergent into the side pocket.  “What’re you doing down here?  If my memory’s correct, you’ve got a washer and dryer in your freaking room!  I’m not jealous though.  You’re jealous.”

Forehead knitting together in confusion, Lexa tilted her head slightly to the right.  “Pardon?”

Chuckling, Clarke shook her head.  “I’m sorry.  Ignore me.  There’s something wrong with me today, I swear.”  Shrugging, Clarke picked up her bag so she wouldn’t nervously fumble with her fingers.  “I think I’m just in a really good mood.”

“You aren’t normally this weird?” Lexa asked and it took a long minute for Clarke to realize that the taller girl was teasing her.  As her brain caught up, she also realized Lexa was currently emptying a sheet set and towels into one of the last two free washing machines.

“Wait, seriously, is your washer broken or something?”

After choosing her settings and before beginning her cycle, the head RA turned to picked up her own empty bag.  “Oh sorry, did you need this machine?  I’ll wait, then.”

Before Lexa could make a move to take her belongings back out of the washer, Clarke’s free hand shot out and landed on her wrist.  “No, I’m sorry.  I only needed the two and, well, even if I did need more, you’re definitely allowed to do your laundry.  I was just asking, because, I mean, I’m super jealous that you get your own washer and dryer and bathroom and who knows what else.  If I were you, I’d never leave my room.”

Lexa took a moment to form an appropriate response, making no move to pull her wrist away from Clarke’s hand.  The blonde seemed to be unaware of her heart’s loud thumping, though Lexa wasn’t sure that was possible. It felt like her heart was three seconds away from beating right out of her chest.  Lexa couldn’t remember the last time someone physically touched her and _this was Clarke_ \- the pretty, delightful, blonde sophomore who Lexa totally didn’t have a slight crush on last year (nor subsequently and maybe creepily stalked when she glimpsed her eating in the cafeteria with Bellamy or goofing off around campus with her friends).

“I’d like to finish two loads this evening, and I’m rather tired.”

Filling in the missing pieces, Clarke nodded.  “Oh. Right.”  Reaching over, she switched the washer on and internally grimaced after she did so.  Seriously, who turns on someone’s freaking washer, especially when that someone is Lexa Perfect Woods, and especially after she just basically interrogated her. _So much for great first impressions_ , Clarke thought, lifting a shoulder awkwardly.  “Sorry.  I don’t really have a filter or boundaries and it’s late so um, yeah, just sorry.” Exhaling, Clarke felt relieved when she witnessed Lexa’s trademark right-side-of-her-mouth half-smile appear.

The brunette finally allowed herself to pull away from the other girl’s hold on her wrist. She had to plaster her lips together so she wouldn’t laugh out loud at Clarke’s widened eyes when she realized she had still been clutching Lexa’s ponytail holder-covered wrist.  “Clarke, breathe.”

Clarke threw her head back, somewhat dramatically, and groaned.  When she stood upright again, she was blushing. Lexa sucked in a quick breath.  She had seen the blonde blush before - during dinner, when Bellamy had originally called out to her - but they had been tables away then.  Now, Lexa predicted, they were standing less than a foot away. If she thought Clarke was gorgeous before, she had been sadly mistaken as she now realized Clarke was _absolutely the most aesthetically pleasing person in the entire universe_.

“Sorry,” the blonde apologized again. She followed up the phrase with a goofy, scrunched up face and an actual face palm.  “Okay, really, I’m not sure what’s wrong with me today.  I’m glad you decided to do your laundry on my floor, though.  Earlier, I tried to catch you, ya know, after we were finishing up and everything, but Bell and you had, uh, I guess, like, head RA stuff to finish, so I didn’t get the chance.”

“Was there something you required?”

Clarke, in those few seconds, had gotten lost in Lexa’s pretty and uncharacteristically make-up free eyes, but was brought back to the present when the other girl stopped talking.  “Huh?”

“You said you had been hoping to find me after our event earlier.”

“Oh!” Clarke’s waved her left pointer finger in the air and nodded, causing Lexa to chuckle, _actually chuckle_ , and then Clarke almost melted away on the laundry room floor because, _oh my god her laugh_ , momentarily forgetting she was making a complete fool of herself.  Raven and Octavia were never going to let her live this down.  “I wanted to thank you.”

“You are welcome, although I am not sure wh-“

Waving her entire left hand this time and effectively interrupting the girl in front of her, Clarke smiled.  “Thank you.  For hiring me and for starting the year off as a really cool head RA.  And for, well, for how you handled my unnecessary and kinda inappropriate but totally controlled almost-breakdown during Two Truths and a Lie.”

Lexa remembered the way Clarke’s eyes had misted over and appraised her decision not to push the girl at that moment to definitely have been the correct one.  Keeping a neutral face, Lexa tried to comfort the girl with her eyes.  “I don’t recall the situation you are referring to, although I did enjoy our short encounter during Two Truths and a Lie.”

“Right and _I don’t recall_ that your favorite tv show is Teen Mom.”

“Clarke!” Lexa hissed, rolling her eyes and huffing when the blonde began cackling.

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding!” Clarke barely managed to get the words out before busting out laughing again.  “I swear, your secret’s safe with me.”

Lexa noticed that Clarke was trying extremely hard to refrain from laughing, but without much success.  “Remember that I have a key to your room,” she threatened, a relaxed tone to her voice and a grin in her eyes.  If she hadn’t already fancied the girl in front of her, she definitely would have by now.

Gathering her composure, eyes still shining, Clarke glanced to their side and noticed her washers only had about ten minutes left to run.  She threw her bag back down and shrugged, reminding herself that no one was here so she could pretty much take over her whole floor for the time being.  “Since I’ve been a total pain in the ass for the past twenty minutes, can I make it up to you by offering you a freeze pop a la room 315 until your sheets are done?”

“You aren’t a…” Lexa started to trail off at the phrase but decided to continue anyway, despite how strange the words felt on her tongue. “A pain in the ass, but,” glancing at her watch, Lexa nodded to herself, “let me run upstairs and switch my other load to the dryer, and I will be back to accompany you to your room while we wait on our dryers.  Do you mind switching mine over while I am gone?  I’ll leave a dryer sheet on top of the machine.”

“Sure,” Clarke agreed, smiling shyly.  “Just let yourself in when you get back.”

Approximately ten minutes later, after Clarke had switched all three loads of laundry and slid down the hallway back to her room, ever thankful for her fuzzy socks, she realized how fast her pulse was racing.  Whatever possessed her to invite Lexa back to her room when she was barely unpacked and definitely not prepared to make even more of an ass of herself, she hadn’t a clue.  She quickly tried to tidy up what she could, but gave up after only half a minute.  There was no hope.  Shrugging, she began giving herself a mental pep talk and started to put away clothes from the stack that she and Raven had previously been working on before she rushed off to the student center. That had been hours ago.  

A shuffling and quiet rap of knuckles against wood halted Clarke’s thoughts.  Glancing over, she nonverbally welcomed Lexa in with a hand signal and continued folding the pair of shorts in her hands.  “Nice outfit,” she commented, noticing Lexa had changed from black skinny jeans and form fitting forest green t-shirt to faded navy blue and grey star-covered pajama shorts and a dark grey sleep tank.  Gulping, she allowed herself a few extra seconds to appreciate the outfit switch.  Clarke wasn’t even going to get started on the tattoos she now noticed peaking out on various parts of the head RA’s body, because enough was enough for one night. Also, _Jesus Christ._

“Thank you,” Lexa replied, not picking up on Clarke’s obvious once-over. She moved to stand against the bed where piles and piles of clothes were stacked, waiting to be put away.  “Would you care for some help?”

“That’d be great, actually. Thanks, Lexa.”

The two worked silently for a few minutes, Clarke taking full advantage of the mirror in front of her that allowed for quick, sneaking glances at the _seriously perfect creature_ next to her.

Clarke started thinking she should break the silence sometime soon if she wanted to get to know anything else about the girl she was quickly becoming infatuated with, but her plan was halted by Lexa’s quiet voice.

“What exactly is a freeze pop?” she asked, with a slight blush and shy look on her face.

Grinning at the out of character behavior, Clarke brightened.  “Oh my god, Lexa!  You’ve never had a freeze pop?”

“I, um, I do not believe I have.”

Flinging the shirt in her hands back onto the bed, Clarke skated, again on her socks, to her mini fridge-freezer, opened the top compartment, and pulled out an assortment of multi-colored sticks.  “First pinky promises and now freeze pops!  If you love Rita’s as much as you said earlier, you’re going to love these!  What’s your favorite flavor?”

Lexa gently set the shirt she had in her own hands down onto the bed.  Leaning against the mattress, she smiled at the blonde’s excitement.  “Is there strawberry?” she asked, earning herself an enthusiastic nod and another bright smile.

Her hands eased against the bedframe, where they had been gripping white-knuckled onto the wood uncomfortably. Letting herself relax, she watched as Clarke sifted through the sticks to find her a strawberry one.  The nineteen-year-old, bright, blonde ball of energy was definitely throwing her for a loop. But right now, at midnight on a Thursday evening, surrounded by an entire building of mostly empty rooms and quiet creaks, Lexa couldn’t bring herself to care.


	3. days are good and that's the way it should be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> clarke forgets to wipe the drool from her face, but gets to room with lexa so there's that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a huge thank you and shout-out goes to my wonderful beta, meredith (imjustakoalabear on tumblr)! thank you, thank you, thank you!

Three days later, Clarke was sleepily stumbling out of the last van to arrive at the retreat center.  Grabbing ahold of Bellamy’s shirt, she let her feet drag for a few moments until her cousin shrugged out of her grip. He threw her an annoyed look and mumbled something to himself about how Clarke had drooled all over his arm on the way there.

 

She rolled her eyes, resisting the urge to wipe the sleep out of them because she knew she would smear her mascara across her face.  Instead, she settled for rubbing above her eyebrows, mouth opening in a silent yet extended yawn.  “You’ll get flies in there if you aren’t careful,” someone teased as they walked past her, pulling ropes along.  Finally blinking her eyes open to see clearly, Clarke saw that the voice belonged to Anya. She was apparently helping Lexa gather items for their first few activities.

 

Training had been  _ great _ since they’d only really gone over the boring (annoyingly important) things so far like fire safety and emergency protocols.  Clarke wasn’t complaining though. Lexa and Bellamy apparently took on a lot more responsibility than Clarke had originally assumed (Bellamy was a moron and didn’t really prepare her for any of this) so she happily zoned out while the head RAs instructed them, thinking instead about how nice Lexa looked in shorts, trying to determine the exact color of her eyes, and wondering if she was the type of kisser to pull someone’s bottom or top lip in first.

 

Bellamy had, in fact, prepared her enough to know that three times each year the RAs went camping (if you could call it that) at a beautiful retreat center in the mountains. One of those times was the first week back to campus before all the other students arrived.  She had somehow managed to luck out and end up in Bell’s van, leading her to fall asleep almost immediately and apparently drool all over him for a few hours on the ride up.  Hoping Bellamy wasn’t blabbing to everyone else about her inability to control her saliva while asleep, Clarke made a mental note to remind everyone that they left at  _ five fucking am _ so shoot her if she had drooled a bit.

 

“Need help?” she asked Anya, ready to grab some of the rope from the older girl’s hands.

 

Anya smirked.  “No, but thanks.  If I were you, I’d find your room assignment and freshen up.  You’ve got a bit of…”  Trailing off, Anya motioned to Clarke’s face, already planning the funniest way to share this embarrassing little tidbit with Lexa.  

 

When Clarke cocked a confused eyebrow, Anya responded by rolling her eyes and turning on her heel. She darted down the grass slope in front of them, rather than taking the walkway, and called back, “Wash your face, Griffin!” gathering the attention of several others, including Lexa.

 

Cheeks burning, Clarke hurried inside and prepared to blame her blush on the scorching sun if anyone opened their damn mouths about it.  

 

XXXXX

 

“Hey!”

 

“Hey, Monty,” Clarke greeted when her friend appeared beside her.  “How was your ride?”

 

He reached past Clarke, searching for the piece of paper with his room assignment.  “Fine.  Heard you snotted all over Bellamy, though.”

 

The remark made her groan.  She was going to murder Bellamy (and maybe Anya, although that was up in the air because the fierce upperclassman terrified her just a tad).  They had arrived less than ten minutes ago and his big ass mouth had already filled in the rest of the house.  She was lucky this group of people already felt like family to her, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t going to utilize Octavia and Raven’s frighteningly devious minds to help terrorize Bell at some later point.

 

“You too?” she mumbled, hand stilling on the table as she gave up trying to find her name.

 

“I’m just playing.  Team Clarke, remember?”

 

Snorting, Clarke watched her friend pick up his room assignment.  Monty was referring to a stupid war their group of friends had made up last year after she and Bellamy had gotten a little too competitive over a game of spoons.  “Good.  It better stay that way,” she teased. Clarke then raised an eyebrow playfully when she read Miller’s name on the sheet next to Monty’s.  “Oh la la.”

 

“Stop it,” he retorted, half-heartedly.  “Who’d you get?”

 

“Dunno,” she shrugged, starting to look through the papers again.  “Who would have thought it’d be this hard to find my own name.”

 

Monty chuckled and reached down to help.  A moment later, the two were interrupted by Kane, the dean of student affairs, and CeCe, head of housing.  The pair were quickly followed by a stoic Lexa and a grumpy Anya.  

 

“But-”

 

“Absolutely not.” Kane cut Anya off before she could even get a second word out. 

 

The two began arguing, and CeCe and Lexa seemed to share an eye roll.  Clarke tried not to smile.  Everything Lexa Woods did was adorable, but she was pretty sure the girl would have her head if she ever voiced that thought out loud, especially in front of their bosses.  

 

“Hi, you two,” CeCe greeted, grinning.  “Ignore them,” she joked, motioning to a smirking Anya and increasingly frustrated Kane.  “Clarke, do you mind switching rooms?”

 

“She still hasn’t found her name card, so I’m pretty sure she’d be willing to sleep anywhere at this point,” Monty supplied, earning himself a jab to the upper arm.

 

“Can you not?” Clarke snapped, playfulness in her eyes.  “I’m not a total idiot.”  She turned toward an amused CeCe and a trademark right side of her mouth-upturned Lexa.  “I’ll bunk with anyone.”

 

“No she won’t,” Bellamy cut in, joining the group.  

 

“Yeah,” Clarke agreed, making a gagging sound.  “Anyone but him.”

 

Lexa watched on with increased interest, nose scrunching up almost imperceptibly as the two spat back and forth.  

 

“Are you sure you two aren’t brother and sister?” CeCe asked, already taking a pen out of her ponytail and easily spotting Clarke’s room card.  She scratched Maya’s name out and drew a loopy “Alexandria” before handing the card over to Clarke.  “Anya,” she called, waiting for the girl to stop yelling at Kane and turn to face her.  “You’re with Maya now.”

 

Everyone heard the groan and watched Anya subsequently snatch her bag up, flying up the stairs to her new room.

 

“Now that that’s settled,” Kane muttered.  “I’ll see you all outside in fifteen.”

 

Ten minutes later, Clarke found herself silently unpacking the few belongings she had brought with her.  “Do you mind if I put these in the shower?” she asked, lifting travel sized shampoo and conditioner up for Lexa to see.

 

“Of course not,” Lexa replied, slamming a difficult drawer shut.  “We are sharing, after all.”

 

Clarke nodded, adding a warm smile as an afterthought.  Walking into the bathroom, she quickly placed her toiletries inside the shower stall and took a moment to lean against the counter, puffing air out of her nose.  Her heart was just now calming down from finding out she would be sleeping feet away from Lexa for the next few days.  She could definitely tell why Anya was so insistent on the pair being together, besides the obvious.  Lexa, being head RA, got one of the student rooms with the en suite bathroom.  Clarke was definitely going to appreciate that each evening after arriving back at the center sweaty, dirty and disgusting.  She’d especially appreciate it since she was sharing a space with  _ Alexandria _ .   

 

Taking a good look in the mirror, Clarke grimaced.  She still hadn’t washed her fucking face and her hair was now sticking up in weird places because of the humidity.  Turning on the water, she quickly went to work scrubbing her face clean. She gave up trying to keep any eye make up on (knowing she only put it on this morning in hopes of sitting next to Lexa on the drive up), and ran her wet hands through her ponytail rather than drying them on the towel hanging next to the sink.  “That’s better,” she mumbled to herself, leaving the room and readying herself to remind Lexa of the time.  Finding the room empty, Clarke’s jaw jutted out in disappointment.  That girl was so strange.

 

XXXXX

 

“Oh my fucking god,” Clarke muttered, twisting her body left and right in an attempt to escape the contraption currently holding both her and Lexa hostage.  She failed to notice Lexa’s eyes flutter every time she moved a certain way. The brunette, unbeknownst to Clarke, had rallied all her strength into playing it cool and not completely embarrassing herself for what felt like the millionth time in the past few days.  The frustrating jut of Clarke’s hips was definitely not helping.

 

“Who’s dumb idea was this?” Clarke sneered, aggressively twisting one last time and coming face to face with the brunette, who she had learned she would be paired with for most activities thanks to their room assignments.

 

“It’s a form of team building,” Lexa explained, drawing her lips together to muffle her laughter when she saw the annoyance on Clarke’s face.  “If you would stay still for a whole thirty seconds, I can get us out of this.”

 

“Really?  Why the heck didn’t you say something before!”

 

Lexa full on freaking smiled, and Clarke prided herself.  And to think, she had predicted that tallying up Lexa’s smiles was going to be difficult.  Clearly everyone else was doing something wrong because almost every time Clarke looked at the older girl, she was smiling at her.  Choosing to ignore the butterflies erupting with that thought, Clarke sagged her body weight against the rope behind her back, simply raising an eyebrow when Lexa had to tense to keep them both upright.   _ Damn those muscles _ .

 

“I would have, if you had given me a chance.  You were too busy wiggling around like a frustrated puppy.”  Lexa made quick work of the rope’s tangles, motioning for Clarke to spin left, lift her wrist, etc. every few moments.  

 

A minute and a half later, they were free from the contraption. Clarke hopped around dramatically, chanting something about being free.  When she was done, she turned to face Lexa again.  “Wait, did you just compare me to a dog?”

 

“I enjoy dogs,” was the response she got before Lexa began making rounds on the other RAs.  

 

Hand slapping her forehead, Clarke chuckled.  Her eyes searched for Bellamy, and she quickly spotted him and Lincoln a few yards away.  Snorting, she realized that the two were totally screwed, knots and tangles covering every inch of the rope.  Sidling over, she was determined to begin her revenge by making their escape that much more difficult.

 

XXXXX

 

One full-blown water fight, initiated by Bellamy and Clarke, a seminar on diversity, and some half-hour long mini meetings with the other RAs in their buildings later, the group was piled into the main room of the retreat center, lunch plates and water bottles in their laps.

 

“And then they had to clean my entire room every day for a month,” Bellamy finished, snorting into his food. He pointed at Clarke’s narrowed eyes and defensive posture, “You would have thought my aunt was going to hang them up on the electrical wire or something with how mad she was.”

 

Clarke stabbed a cherry tomato.  Holding the fork up, she waited for the laughter in the room to die down.  “You’re forgetting to mention that the day before you had just written out ‘BELL IS KING’ on Octavia’s back with sunscreen so that she’d burn around the letters and have to walk around like that all summer.  You deserved to have your room trashed.”

 

“Why did you side with Octavia and not Bellamy?” Harper, a fellow sophomore, asked.

 

Having put the tomato in her mouth, Clarke finished chewing and smirked.  “Are you joking?  You have met O, right?”

 

“Everyone’s met Octavia,” Lincoln supplied, as three fourths of the room groaned.  

 

“Everyone’s written Octavia up,” Bellamy corrected, giving Lincoln a partially amused and partially (not really) threatening look.  It was well known around Polis College that Lincoln and Octavia had their fair share of...fun together.  In his defense, Lincoln really had tried to keep at least a one arm’s length distance away from Octavia at all times, but the insistent brunette had broken down those boundaries less than two months into her freshman year.  Bellamy still struggled with his friend/co-worker and little sister dating, but he’d be the first to admit he’d rather have her with Lincoln than someone like Wick or Murphy.

 

“Lexa, do you have siblings?” Clarke interjected.  The head RA had been silent for the majority of lunch, sticking to eating her salad, fruit, and sandwich and observing everyone else.  

 

She cleared her throat and placed her almost empty plate on the floor.  Before she could answer, Anya cut in.  “Lincoln and I are like her siblings.  She wishes she grew up with us.”  Clarke was shocked to see Anya lean over, ruffle Lexa’s curls, and move back to her seat, unscathed.  

 

When she made eye contact with the brunette, she watched her give a tight lipped nod.  Clarke also didn’t miss the seemingly difficult swallow and way her eyes cast over.  So maybe family definitely wasn’t the topic to bring up when playing Get to Know Lexa ( _ Alexandria _ ) Woods Better.

 

“Alright, alright, let’s finish up!” CeCe instructed, making her way out of the dining room where she and Kane had been eating and into the main room where they had all gathered.  “You’ve got twenty minutes to rest post-lunch, and then we’re leaving for the waterfalls.  T minus 20, gang.”

 

Lexa’s head snapped to Clarke, and she watched the girl shudder.  She was up and out of her seat before the blonde even noticed.

 

Almost twenty minutes later, Bellamy had Clarke cornered in the hallway, the two sharing hushed and hurried whispers back and forth.

 

“I can talk to them, Clarke!”

 

“No, stop!”

 

“Clarke.”

 

“I refuse to come across as weak, okay?  I can handle a few waterfalls.”

 

Sighing, Bellamy gave up.  They’d been arguing for the past ten minutes and still had to change and grab their gear.  “Fine.  But don’t say I didn’t try and help when you have a panic attack in an hour.”  

 

He walked away in the direction of his room, leaving Clarke in the hallway to try and shut down the urge to deck her cousin.  She knew he was trying to help, but he was always such an ass in the way he worded things.  Trying to ignore the panic she already felt, she cut through the center room en route downstairs to her own room when she heard her name being called.

 

Turning toward the increasingly familiar voice, Clarke saw that Lexa hadn’t changed yet either.  All thoughts of how to avoid the awkwardness she was sure would come from having to change in the same room at the same time while trying not to devour the other girl flew from her mind when she saw everyone else heading outside.  

 

“Damn it,” she muttered to herself.  “Sorry!  I’ll be really quick, I swear.”  She almost flew to her room, but a gentle, yet brief, touch of fingertips to her inner elbow stopped her again.

 

Lexa opened her mouth to speak, but Bellamy walked into the room and interrupted the pair.  “Clarke, come on, let’s go.  T minus 20, remember?”

 

“Actually, Clarke is going to stay back with me.”

 

Both cousins’ heads snapped to the owner of the quiet, but controlled voice.

 

“I am?”

 

“She is?”

 

“I require assistance in setting up some of our evening activities and Clarke here is everyone's first recommendation regarding anything creative.”

 

Bellamy threw his hands up in surrender at the look on Lexa’s face.  He respected his fellow head RA and genuinely enjoyed her company, but that didn’t mean the junior didn’t still scare the crap out of him.  “Have fun, I guess,” he added, jogging out to meet up with the rest of the group and leaving Clarke and Lexa alone.

 

“I apologize if that was rather forward.  There is still time to catch up with everyone if you prefer.”

 

Instead of answering, Clarke flung her body at a shocked Lexa, wrapping tight arms around the taller girl’s neck.  “Thank you,” she murmured, slowly feeling Lexa relax into the hug and wrap her own arms around Clarke’s waist.

 

A few moments later, both pulled sheepishly back.  

 

“I do not pretend to know what has you so afraid of the water, Clarke, but that does not mean I am willing to let you venture off to somewhere you feel unsafe.”  At the blonde’s grateful grin, Lexa continued.  “I also do need help with some art-related necessities for tonight, if you’re willing.”

  
“You don’t have to ask me twice!” Clarke replied, already excited at the idea of creating something, and pulled Lexa along by the wrist, ignoring the way she flinched at first contact and instead settling on the slowing beat of her pulse.  New mission: get Lexa Woods to stop flinching and shuddering every time someone touched her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> find me at buildyourownarchitecture on tumblr!


	4. you sprinkle stardust on my pillowcase

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> clarke has a panic attack and clexa ends up (sort of) cuddling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a huge thank you and shout-out goes to my wonderful beta, meredith (imjustakoalabear on tumblr)! thank you, thank you, thank you!

“I need a buddy.”

Groans sounded throughout the room. Exhausted and sunburnt bodies were scattered across couches, chairs, and the floor.

“Clarke,” Bellamy whined, “I told you that after dinner I wasn’t moving until and only until the bonfire.”

“S’mores, Clarke. S’mores,” Monty added, hand moving from where it was previously covering his eyes to wave away the pestering blonde.

Clarke huffed and glared at Bellamy and Monty. “You don’t even have to do much. Just sit there while I sketch.” Before Bellamy could ask how Clarke was going to sketch in the almost dark, another voice interrupted.

“Lexa will go with you,” Anya yelled from across the room.

Lexa raised an eyebrow from her spot reclined against the back of the couch. She didn’t look up right away, instead continuing to make notes in her training binder. After a few more scribbles, the brunette raised her head in the direction Clarke’s voice had been coming from a few moments ago. “I will go with you, although I would prefer if Anya allowed me the decency to speak for myself.” Craning her neck, she gave her best friend a glare. “I was unaware that you had developed the ability to read minds.”

Anya jutted her knee into Lexa’s left shoulder. “Oh, you missed that newsletter then?”

Lexa stood up, swiped the pillow out from under Anya’s head - ignoring her protests - and handed it to Lincoln who was lying on the floor. She looked back at Clarke. “Would you like for me to accompany you, Clarke?”

Clarke didn’t even attempt to hide the soft smile that spread to both her cheeks. She felt heat begin rising in her neck and face. Letting the sleeves of her sweatshirt fall over her hands, she ran her covered palms over her face. Peeking out from between her hands, Clarke grinned. “Let me take my contacts out and grab my art supplies, and I’ll meet you on the porch?”

Five minutes later, a glasses clad Clarke (and Lexa thought she was enraptured by the blonde before) made her way onto the porch, sliding the door shut behind her and readjusting the art supplies in her arms. “Brought a book light,” she explained, flinging the tiny device around and almost dropping it, “so I can see.”

Lexa snorted and her right hand slammed against her mouth in embarrassment. 

Smiling, Clarke began walking down the steps of the porch and onto the trail leading down the hill. She linked their arms together and felt Lexa’s obvious attempts at hiding her subsequent flinching. The tension in the other girl’s body was rolling off of her in waves. Lexa’s steps were careful and her grip on Clarke kept tightening - seemingly unconsciously - and abruptly loosening when she realized what she was doing. 

“Lexa, it’s okay.” A loud puff of breath sounded from Clarke’s left and she sighed, smile now completely gone from her face. “What’s wrong?”

Clarke watched Lexa noticeably glance at their linked arms and try to relax. 

“I am fine, Clarke, just concentrated on getting us down the trail safely in the dark. Where would you like to sit?”

Rolling her eyes, Clarke tugged the brunette a little closer. She had no idea why Lexa was sometimes so awkward and hesitant with physical contact, but clearly the other woman was uncomfortably…comfortable with her?

Taking a deep breath, she chose to take a leap of faith to try and connect with her head RA. “Let’s sit by those rocks near the lake.”

“The lake?” Lexa mumbled speculatively, lifting her free hand to help steady the blonde as she hopped from the trail onto flat ground.

“We’ll be on the rocks far enough away, and you’ll be there if anything happens, right?”

“Clarke, are you sur-“

“I’m sure.”

Two minutes later and Clarke wasn’t so sure anymore. Realistically, she knew she was fine. Lexa was sitting next to her, the pair were situated on the rocks farthest from the water, and it was fine. Okay, so maybe it wasn’t. Her breaths were increasingly coming quicker and quicker, her head felt dizzy, and all her concentration was being put toward somehow not falling face first into the water and drowning.

“Clarke…” the soft voice called gently, breaking through Clarke’s panic and gathering the girl’s attention.

“My boyfriend died,” Clarke spat out, built up tears threatening to spill past pretty eyelids. Lexa barely stopped her eyes from widening. “My dad died, too, but uh, you probably guessed that from Two Truths and a Lie,” Clarke muttered in between panicky breaths. “I, um, water isn’t, shit-“

“Okay, okay,” Lexa soothed, immediately pulling Clarke off the rocks they were seated on and back toward the trail. “Clarke, I’m going to put my hands on your shoulders.” An imperceptible nod let her know the blonde was listening enough for her to proceed. Placing gentle yet strong hands on Clarke’s shoulders, Lexa pushed inward, increasing the pressure slowly and trying to catch Clarke’s eye. “Hey,” she whispered when she noticed the tears spilling down Clarke’s cheeks. “Clarke, look at me.”

Blue eyes rose to meet green and Lexa continued to put pressure on Clarke’s shoulders. 

“You’re okay,” Lexa promised, throwing a gentle smile her way. “Breathe with me, okay?”

The pair spent the next ten minutes working together to steady Clarke’s breathing, Lexa finding it increasingly difficult to not just pull the shorter girl into her arms and shield her from all the world’s evil.

“You probably think I’m so stupid,” Clarke mumbled, breaking Lexa out of her daze. “I’m so sorry. I was honestly just trying to show you that you can trust me and I thought if I took you to a place I was scared of, you’d stop flinching so much when I touch you because no one should have to feel bad when other people touch them, in good ways, and it’s not fair that you do and I didn’t realize I was going to panic and I’m such an idiot and I’m so-“

Giving up the internal battle and taking her own risk, Lexa let her hands slide around Clarke’s shoulders and pulled the shorter girl into a tight hug, running a soothing hand up and down her back and threading fingers through her ponytail. Clarke was so shocked at the movement that her rambling and trembling stopped. Unsure of how to react to Lexa’s sudden change in behavior, Clarke let her frame mold into Lexa’s, sighing with relief at how good it felt to be held (especially by the beautiful, enchanting person currently sending tingles down her spine with a few gentle fingers unknotting hair tangles in her ponytail). 

“Lexa,” she croaked, pulling back enough to see her face. “That word vomit was not a demand for you to hug me. I wasn’t trying to push you. I just meant to explain my asinine behavior.”

Chuckling and trying to keep her voice steady and face tear free, Lexa ran a final hand over the top of Clarke’s head, smoothing down wayward curls. “I do not respond to demands, Clarke. I am a human, not an animal.”

“Right.”

“You were visibly upset and you are so sweet and you…,” stepping back, Lexa cleared her throat and shook her head to clear her own verbal fumbling. “Okay, give me a second.”

Lexa ran mortified hands over her flustered face and took a few deep breaths, trying her hardest to ignore Clarke’s attempts at concealing her quiet chuckles. Normally, she would never be this off balance when trying to explain herself. Lexa purposefully kept her emotions under wraps. She prided herself on appearing controlled and confident in all situations, and Clarke had single-handedly made her feel more emotions in the past few days than she had her entire college career combined.

“The worst part about this is that it feels so good.”

“What?”

Lexa’s hands snapped down to her sides and her eyes widened. “I absolutely did not just say that out loud.”

“Sorry Lex, but you did.” Motioning for Lexa to come closer, Clarke grinned. “I think it’s your turn for a hug.”

Groaning and completely mortified, Lexa let Clarke pull her in for a second hug, grumbling the entire time. She pushed down all the thoughts that clouded her head at the nickname Clarke had just used.

“Clarke,” she tried again, pulling back after a few moments, “you make me feel good, and I appreciate who you are. Please do not apologize for becoming upset over something you have every right in the world to feel devastated over. Your father, and uh, boyfriend, they are part of you. If you would like to talk about them with me, we have an available room with its own mini fridge and microwave…”

Both girls noticed Lexa’s stumbling over the word ‘boyfriend’, but chose to ignore it.

“So you’re saying we can make microwave s’mores without having to wait in line with everyone else?”

“That is sort of exactly what I was suggesting.”

XXXXX

Wiping marshmallow off her face, Clarke grinned. She and Lexa had migrated to their shared room, sneaking through the cabin’s kitchen and back staircase to avoid the others who were still lounging around and carrying on in the front room. They could vaguely hear obnoxious laughter and a few crashes here and there, but the sounds were muted and muffled. Lexa had already made them both two s’mores each, Clarke basically inhaling them before her personal chef could even settle onto the bed next to her. Having immediately handed over one of her own s’mores, Lexa crossed her legs into a pretzel and leaned back against the wall the bed was pushed up against.

“So…” Clarke trailed off, nodding in Lexa’s direction, a shy yet grateful smile falling onto her lips before she bit into her third s’more of the night. 

“You are welcome.”

“Mm.” Humming gently, Clarke stretched her legs out across the bed, right knee falling against Lexa’s left ankle. She watched closely for the other girl’s reaction, stomach erupting with what felt like sunshine when Lexa made no movement to flinch or startle away, but rather seemed to subconsciously relax more against Clarke. 

Not wanting to push her luck, Clarke remained still. Clarke held back her smile as long as she could and let her eyes wander down Lexa’s body. A few minutes passed before Lexa shifted. 

“Clarke?”

“Hm?”

“I…” Lexa came up short. She had no idea what to say or do in this situation, and the longer Clarke let her eyes unabashedly trail over her, the more unsure she felt. Her spine became ramrod straight again and she internally groaned. She had meant to bring Clarke away from everyone so she could relax and feel safe enough to talk about what had her struggling to breathe outside, not so Lexa could worry about what her own body was doing in response to their proximity. “Clarke, I-”

“Shut up, Lexa,” Clarke laughed, feeling a tiny bit bad for having just watched the other girl’s internal struggle. Taking a deep breath, Clarke reached out, grabbed a hold of the limb closest to her, and tugged. 

Lexa, completely oblivious to her intention, missed the way Clarke simultaneously maneuvered her body onto her side, leaving enough room for Lexa to lie next to her. 

A moment later, when Clarke had settled Lexa next to her and the head RA realized what was happening, they both let out gentle chuckles. “Hi.”

“Hi.”

“This okay?”

After sucking a quick breath through her nose, Lexa exhaled, attempting to avoid blowing her breath right into Clarke’s face. Seeing as they were lying only centimeters away on their now shared pillow, she wasn’t the least bit surprised when Clarke’s nose wrinkled and lips turned up in a grin. 

“Well?”

“Yeah-Yes. This is okay,” Lexa answered, finally finding her voice. “You know, you could have just asked me instead of stuffing that last, rather large bite of s’more into your mouth and almost choking as you physically rearranged us.”

“Still would have laid down with me?”

“I…”

“Hmpfh.” Lexa almost kissed the triumphant look spread across Clarke’s face right back off of it. Instead, she scooted back an inch or two, much to Clarke’s dismay. “Hey,” she called gently with what Lexa thought was a bit of whine to her voice. Following Lexa, Clarke scooted closer again, noses almost touching now.

“Clarke,” Lexa laughed, largely astonished by the other girl’s behavior. “What are you doing?”

Clarke groaned in frustration, shrugged, and rolled her eyes. Moving back, she mumbled an apology, but smiled when Lexa told her she had nothing to be sorry for. 

“I know I said this a few days ago, but I swear I really am not this weird.”

“Mm-hmm,” Lexa teased, finding herself feeling strangely comfortable in their current situation.

“I’m not!” Clarke laughed, shaking her head, causing her ponytail to swish against the pillow and glasses to become crooked. Pulling the left side of them back down, she grinned shyly. “I’m just really glad we get to work together this year. It kind of feels like I’ve known you for much longer than I really have.”

“You put me at a loss for what to say,” Lexa quickly admitted, grinning back to try and show how much she meant that statement positively.

“What?”

“Hm…” Leaning up, Lexa propped her hand on her elbow and kept grinning down at Clarke. “See, words plus you equal problem.” Clarke giggled and Lexa swooned. “I am not typically surprised by people. I know what they are going to say before they say it, and I have no problem reacting, regardless of what that reaction is. You, you are different. You make me feel...less numb, I suppose? I cannot believe I am saying this right now, but you make me feel all these different emotions and that makes me…”

Clarke debated filling in the words for Lexa for a whole half a millisecond after she trailed off. “It makes you feel kinda outta control?”

“In a good way,” Lexa almost gasped, nodding appreciatively. 

The vulnerability in the room left them both at a loss for words. After what felt like hours of comfortable, yet terrifying silence, Clarke rolled onto her back and immediately grimaced. 

“Okay, so maybe next time I just ask you to lie down with me because either there’s a chunk of graham cracker up my shirt or a mutant mosquito just dug into my back for feeding.”

Choking on her own saliva, Lexa snorted and pulled them both into a sitting position, immediately shaking out Clarke’s tank top and laughing when cracker crumbs came tumbling out. 

“Told you so,” she snarked, leaning back against the wall and waiting for Clarke to follow. 

“Shut your s’more hole,” Clarke retorted, watching Lexa’s eyebrows shoot up as restrained laughter tumbled from both their lips. “So.”

“Yes?”

“You still up for hearing about my water phobia or should we head back upstairs into the chaos?”

Lexa made a very dramatic show of settling in and waiting for Clarke to continue. 

“Right. I think I might need some more chocolate for this?”

Before she could make a move to get up, Lexa was halfway across the bed, long legs carefully crawling around Clarke to reach for the leftover Hershey bar. Handing it over once she was back in place, Lexa offered what she hoped was a very reassuring and encouraging smile. “Floor is yours, Griffin.”


	5. it's like a moonbeam brushed across my face

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> clarke starts a whipped cream fight and anya is relentless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a huge thank you and shout-out goes to my wonderful beta, meredith (imjustakoalabear on tumblr)! thank you, thank you, thank you!

 

“Where the  _ fuck _ were you last night?”

 

Clarke moaned loudly, fingers rubbing at her still sleepy eyes.  She had just stumbled upstairs and into the eating area.  She and Lexa had fallen asleep talking last night, and as well as she slept next to her head RA, she still felt like she had been run over by a bus.  Her eyes were swollen from crying and her entire body felt like she had just been to a sixteen hour kickboxing class.  Despite her physical state, Clarke couldn’t remember the last time she felt this emotionally and mentally refreshed.  Lexa had spent hours just actively listening to her last night.  The conversation started with Clarke telling silly stories of her favorite memories with her dad and transitioned to about seventeen other topics, with sobbing and hysterical laughter in between.  

 

She stopped rubbing her eyes and shot Bellamy a quick glare.  Most of the RAs were already awake, given the handful of people at the tables and loud laughter from the common room.  Clarke herself had woken up to an empty bed.  At first, after a quick stretch of her limbs, she was hopeful that Lexa was simply in the bathroom or picking out an outfit for the day.  She remembered the slightly sinking feeling she had when she realized she had also woken up to an empty room.  Despite that feeling in her gut , she had quickly reassured herself that Lexa likely had a ton of work to do before the day’s activities began, especially since Clarke had stolen all her time  _ and  _ kept her up until the crack ass of dawn.

 

After a quick sweep of the room and the realization that Lexa wasn’t around here either, Clarke realized she still hadn’t answered Bellamy.  Knowing her cousin (and she knew her damn cousin), Bellamy was on his way to repeating himself.

 

“In my room.  Relax.”

 

“I was worried sick, Clarke!” Bellamy just about shouted, following her as she walked into the attached kitchen to pour herself a cup of coffee.

 

Whipping around, Clarke slammed a hand against his chest, already having predicted his close proximity.  “I  _ love you _ , Bell,  _ so much _ , but for the last time, I am  _ not something you can control nor am I yours to protect _ .”  Clarke really did love her cousin, but this had always been a battle with Bellamy.  He really did have wonderful intentions, but he was so overprotective of her, Raven, O, and their friends that he had trouble letting people just  _ live _ .

 

Bellamy stepped back and his face softened.  “Shit, C, I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean to...one of the guys said he saw you down by the water and then you never came back.  I just sort of panicked.”

 

Her own anger sizzled out as Clarke reached around to grab her coffee.  Standing on her tiptoes, she kissed Bellamy’s cheek and gave him a side-hug.  “I’m sorry, Bell.  I need to remind myself that I wasn’t the only one affected by everything that happened.  Just because you can hold it together enough to go swimming still doesn’t mean that it didn’t freak you out.  I should have come and said goodnight.  I promise, I will next time.”

 

Bellamy gave her a tight squeeze and planted a kiss on the top of her head.  “I’m glad you’re here, C.  Even if you are the second biggest pain in my ass.”

 

Pulling away, Clarke punched him in the arm.  “I’m third.  Raven’s definitely second.”

 

“Raven’s definitely not second when I’m running around in a panic for a good twenty minutes before our supervisors do room checks to find you passed out downstairs.”

 

Ignoring him, she added creamer to her coffee and flipped him off.  The pair moved back to a table and sat down with everyone else.  

 

“Morning, loser!” Clarke greeted, shoving Monty with her shoulder and wiggling her eyebrows playfully.  “Load me up.”

 

Monty glanced at the plate Clarke was holding out to him and snorted.  “I’m not sure what side of the bed you woke up on, but you’re gonna need to go try again.”

 

Laughing, Clarke ruffled his hair and reached out for the fruit bowl.  “Anya, pass me the english muffins please!”

 

Bellamy, who was now drinking from Clarke’s coffee mug, gave her an incredulous look.  “What side of the bed  _ did  _ you wake up on?”

 

“What!  Is a girl not allowed to be in a positive mood?  Get rid of the grump, you guys.  Anyaaaaaaaaa?”

 

Raising a suspicious eyebrow, Anya tossed an english muffin to Clarke the same way she would a frisbee and stood up.  This was way too much noise and cheer for seven am.  Especially when another very non-morning person had woken her up by jumping onto and straddling her hips, smile spread wide across her face, about an hour ago. 

 

“No need to thank me,” she grumbled, noticing Clarke now antagonizing Bellamy.  Walking behind the pair on her way out in search of Lexa, Anya smacked Clarke upside the back of her head and felt her eyes water at her attempts not to bust out laughing.  The younger girl now had a piece of watermelon hanging out of her mouth, jaw having dropped.  Quietly chuckling, she ignored the glare Clarke threw her way after recovering.  

 

“ _ Alexandria _ !”

 

Everyone else in the room grimaced.  

 

“Jesus Christ, Anya!  Who are you trying to wake up?  God?” the group heard Lincoln yell back.  Anya was off without missing a beat, hoping Lexa was with her younger brother.

 

“Anyway!” Clarke laughed, reaching up to rub her head.  “What’s on the schedule today, Bell?”

 

XXXXX

 

“Hi!”

 

Lexa jumped out of her skin at the intrusion, but immediately relaxed at the flash of blonde hair falling over her shoulder.

 

Clarke had essentially wrapped herself around Lexa from behind, hugging tightly and nuzzling a smiling mouth into her neck.  

 

“Hi,” Lexa laughed, greeting her back and turning so Clarke’s arms were wrapped loosely around her waist.  “Sleep well?”

 

“Mhm.  Sorry for passing out on you.”  Lexa shrugged and smiled shyly.  “I tried to find you earlier.  I wanted to thank you for letting me basically bare my entire soul to you last night.”  Shaking her head, Clarke sighed happily.  “I haven’t told those things to really anyone.  Raven and Octavia, you know them?”  At Lexa’s nod, Clarke continued, “They’re my outlet, but I’ve never been able to talk to them like  _ that _ , ya know?  It’s almost like you had the exact same experiences and know exactly how I feel, like all the time.  So.  Thank you.”

 

The smile Clarke was still sending her way had Lexa feeling like she was melting into the floor.  She neglected to mention that while she had not lost her father and boyfriend, both to drowning accidents, she had essentially lost her parents and a partner, just in very different ways.  

 

“ _ Clarke _ .”  

 

Clarke almost dropped to her knees.  She didn’t think she’d ever tire of hearing Lexa say her name, or the things it did to her.

 

“I do not presume to understand how painful or triggering certain memories and events are for you, but I do hope you know you are absolutely more than welcome anytime.”

 

Trying not to read too much into what Lexa just said, Clarke blushed and glanced down, only looking up when gentle fingers prodded her chin. 

 

“Okay?”

 

“Okay,” she answered.  Realizing her arms were still gripping onto Lexa, she took a careful step back.  “Sorry.  Do you need any help?” She rushed the words out, actively choosing to avoid dealing anymore with the intimacy that had skyrocketed between the two.

 

“Help?” Lexa mumbled, thrown off by the _lack_ _of_ Clarke’s arms around her and willing her brain to catch up.  

 

“Yeah.  Before I...well, basically physically assaulted you, again, you looked like you were on your way somewhere.  And your dumbass coworker just gave me a warning to be outside and ready to train within ten minutes or he wouldn’t get me a Christmas gift this year so...help?”

 

“Are you perpetually late?” Lexa asked, quirking a playful eyebrow and letting herself enjoy these few moments alone with Clarke.  She had woken up that morning feeling more at peace than she had since sleeping in the same bed as Costia for the last time back in high school.  Forcing herself out of bed, Lexa had been careful not to disturb Clarke, dried tear tracks still staining the blonde’s relaxed face.  

 

“Kinda,” Clarke admitted.

 

Lexa had never expected last night to turn into what it did, and she would never wish what Clarke had experienced on her worst enemy; however, the comfortable and intimate interaction they were now having was all the proof Lexa needed to appreciate their time together last night.  Stomach clenching, she realized how much more she already wanted from Clarke.  Feeling suddenly nauseous, Lexa swallowed.  She was not used to wanting things from people.  It had never worked out very well for her.

 

The nausea passed quickly.  Clarke’s giggles were pulling her out of her thoughts and she found herself grinning goofily downward, moving into Clarke’s outstretched arms as soon as they rose for her.  Shaking her head, she recognized the identical shock on Clarke’s face.  It was like they were physically tethered to each other all of a sudden.

 

Clarke didn’t think either of them knew what the hell they were doing, but it felt good.  And Lexa had said it felt good, more than once.  She hoped she was a large part of the reason Lexa’s attention had faded and sailed back multiple times already.  “But you’re perpetually distracted this morning.  Help?” 

 

With a quick nod, Lexa was out of Clarke’s arms, face stoic, back straight.  Turning the corner, she offered a tight-lipped smile to her RAs that were loitering by the door, waiting for direction.  “Go ahead outside to meet Bellamy.  Please inform him that I am just gathering supplies and will be out to join you shortly.”

 

“I’m with Lexa!” she heard Clarke yell, and then felt running feet behind her.  “What’re we getting?”

 

Waiting until they were out of earshot of everyone else, Lexa glanced to her left out of the corner of her eye, smirking that half-sided smirk.  “Whipped cream and plates.”

 

XXXXX

 

A while later, when the group was lined up together outside for the activity, Clarke let her own attention wax and wane.  There was something about last night that she could not put her finger on, however hard she tried.  It was like Lexa knew, firsthand, how losing someone extremely important felt.  Lexa hadn’t said anything about her own experiences and Clarke was not the person to push someone into openly discussing traumatic events.  But, Lexa had also spent hours providing a safe, comforting, quiet place for Clarke to ramble on about both happy and sad memories.  Shivering despite the sticky heat, Clarke found herself recalling one of the worst.

 

_ “Are you incompetent?  Jesus fucking christ.” _

 

_ “Sorry, Ms. Griffin, I just need you to-” _

 

_ “Stick something up your ass,” Clarke muttered, ripping her arm out of the doctor’s grip and standing up.  “Fuck off.” _

 

_ “Clarke!”   _

 

_ Clarke was ready to lash out at her mom, assuming she was yelling her name because she was swearing away at the doctor assigned to her.  Turning to look at Abby, though, she quickly realized her mom wasn’t reprimanding her at all.  Before her mom’s arms were even around her, Clarke was sinking to her knees, sobs heaving out of her body. _

 

_ “Momma,” she called helplessly, clutching onto her mom’s scrub top as soon as she reached her.  “Mom.” _

 

_ “Oh, baby.  I know, sweetheart, I know.  Shh, take some breaths”  Abby continued gently shushing Clarke, trying to get her breathing steadier.  She motioned the other doctor out of the room and gathered Clarke in her arms, letting her daughter dictate how tight she hugged her.  “I am so sorry, baby.  So, so sorry.” _

 

_ “Where is everybody?” Clarke squeaked, heaving with the intensity of her sobs.  “Rae and O are okay?  Please, Mo-” _

 

_ “They’re okay, baby.  Raven and Octavia are okay.  Raven is changing into some warm clothes, they checked her leg, and Octavia is just finishing getting her forehead stitched up.  Bellamy’s checking on them.  They aren’t alone.” _

 

_ If Clarke had been able to think clearly even in the slightest, she would have appreciated her mom knowing exactly what she needed to hear before she even asked.  Reaching a hand up to try and quiet her crying, Clarke bit into her palm.  She felt stunned.  There was nothing she could think to do or ask for that would help make breathing easier.   _

 

_ “Baby, I need to get you to the bed so I can check you over.” _

 

_ “I’m fi-” _

 

_ “Clarke, please?” _

 

_ Clarke gave up arguing and let her mom pull her to the bed.  Quiet tears streamed down her face. Abby wiped them away every so often as she glanced over every part of Clarke’s body.  After what felt like hours, she stopped assessing Clarke for injuries and pulled her into a second, bone-crushing hug.   _

 

_ “What did I do?” Clarke sobbed, clinging to Abby.  “I didn’t mean to do this to him.  I keep killing people, Mom!” _

 

_ Abby immediately pulled back, fire in her eyes.  “Clarke Abigail Griffin, you did nothing to hurt anyone, do you hear me?” _

 

_ A strangled sob fell from Clarke’s lips.  “I drowned them both,” she said, feeling her body become numb.  “Please never let me love anyone else.” _

 

A loud laugh startled Clarke out of her memory.  Shaking her head, she noticed her quickening breath and watery eyes.  In her attempt to appear collected, she missed Lexa’s concerned gaze.  The last thing she and Lexa had spoken about last night was Clarke’s last round of trauma-focused therapy.  Clarke had told Lexa all about how difficult a client she must have been, but all Lexa did was validate and empathize with how Clarke must have felt.  

 

It was finally getting easier to remember Finn in a way that didn’t make her feel like she was being ripped apart from the inside out.  Clarke didn’t think she’d ever get rid of that feeling when thinking about her dad, but she supposed he had over a decade on Finn.  Sighing, she actively pushed away thoughts of Finn drowning and tried to figure out what everyone was hollering and cackling about.  Before tuning totally back in, she made a mental note to offer the same warm environment Lexa had last night if the head RA ever needed to talk something out.

 

She didn’t have to try hard to refocus after she was done.  Anya had whipped cream dripping from her face, heavy black eye makeup barely shining through the white foam.  

 

“That was a trick question, Lexa!” Anya yelled, arms crossed. 

 

Giggling, Clarke glanced to where she knew Lexa stood next to Bellamy, Kane, and CeCe at the front.  Winking, she delighted in Lexa’s smirk. 

 

The group was playing a “How Well Do You Know the Rules” game.  Whoever got an answer wrong got smacked in the face with a plate full of whipped cream.  Clarke was paired up with Lincoln since both Lexa and Bellamy weren’t participating, although she’d be lying if she tried to pretend she wasn’t wishing Lexa was the one standing next to her.

 

Miller got the next question, which was something about fire alarm drills that Clarke half listened to, correct, and Monty visibly relaxed, realizing he wouldn’t have to pie the person he was head over heels for.  Clarke smirked for a full half second before every pair of eyes were on her and Lincoln.  Maybe (definitely) she should have been paying more attention.  

 

She cringed as she watched Lincoln draw a whipped cream smiley face on the plate.  Turning, she shot Bellamy her best glare.  Before he could even open his mouth, she was arguing.  “You can’t give me the question.  That’s foul play.”

 

“Foul play?” He snorted, rolling his eyes and glancing at the notecards in his hands.  

 

“Yeah, you’re gonna give me like a hard bonus question or something.”

 

“I’ll be fair.”

 

“Fair my ass, Bellamy Blake.  Lexa’s reading my question.”

 

“Because  _ Lexa _ is gonna give her a fair question?  Are you high?”  Clarke didn’t think she’d ever seen someone metaphorically beat the shit out of someone else, but Lexa’s nonverbals intimidated even her.  Anya just snorted and continued.  “Lexa can’t even th-!”

 

“Anya, quiet!”

 

Chuckling, her best friend continued to make faces at Lexa, who steadfastly ignored her.  “Clarke - what are the three major rules of the duty phones?”

 

Eyes twinkling, Clarke spit out her answer before sticking her tongue out at Bellamy.  “I know your deepest desire was to see me get creamed, but you forgot that I’m a genius.  Not gonna happen, Bell.”

 

Before Clarke recognized the look in Bellamy’s eyes, Lincoln had already slammed the plate into her face.  

 

“UNFAIR!” she shrieked, swiping a hand across her eyes so she could see.  “Lincoln, you traitor!”

 

Everyone was laughing, but Clarke only heard Anya’s obnoxious cackling and Lexa’s quiet chuckles.  

 

“Sorry, Clarke.  I’ve gotta keep him buttered up so he doesn’t kill me for all things Octavia.”

 

Clarke wiped her whipped cream covered hand down Lincoln’s face and laughed.  “I hate you.”  Before Kane could quiet the chaos, Clarke had grabbed the closest two bottles of whipped cream and was darting after Bellamy.

 

XXXXX

 

“Today was fun!”  Anya curled her lip in what looked like disgust and Clarke’s eyes widened comically.  “What?!  Am I not allowed to sit next to you?”

 

Leaning up with the support of her elbows, Anya glared.  “Well…”

 

“Please.  You already like me.”

 

A sarcastic laugh fell from Anya’s lips, but she grinned anyway.  “I wouldn’t go that far.  Why aren’t you with your girlfriend?”

 

“My  _ who? _ ”

 

“Your cousin?  You know, shaggy haired head RA?”

 

Clarke narrowed her eyes.  “You said girlfriend.”

 

“No I didn’t.  You need to get your hearing checked, Griffin.”

 

Instead of waiting for Clarke to respond, Anya stood up from the blanket they were sitting on and made herself comfortable at the fire to their right.  

 

“She definitely said girlfriend,” Clarke muttered, curling up and staring at the stars.

 

“Who definitely said girlfriend?”

 

Shifting her gaze, Clarke almost choked on her own vomit when she realized how cheesy the thought,  _ she’s much prettier than the stars _ , that automatically flew through her brain was.  Lexa was doing weird things to her.

 

“Clarke?”

 

“Huh?  Oh.  Nothing, nevermind.”

 

Lexa hummed.  “Do you mind if I sit with you?”

 

“Please do.”  Moving over, Clarke made room for Lexa to spread out comfortably and noticed the bag in her hand.  “Whatcha got?”

 

“Oh.”  Confusion crossed Lexa’s face before she could school her features.  She had completely forgotten she was carrying  _ anything _ after one look at a sleepy, moonlit Clarke.  “They are yours.”  Handing them over, she watched realization cross the other girl’s face.  “I did not mean to assume.  I was only hoping tonight would be a bit better for you than the last.  Please do not feel obligated.”

 

“Your professional rambling is cute and all, but completely unnecessary.  Thank you.”

 

Pulling out her book light and switching it on, Clarke rummaged through the bag and produced a few different pencils.  She immediately began sketching, Lexa’s reply lost to the wind and crackling fire.  

 

Fifteen minutes later, when Lexa finally drew up the courage to glance at Clarke’s sketchpad, she was entirely shocked to find her own face staring back at her rather than a constellation.   
  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> find me at buildyourownarchitecture on tumblr!


	6. nights are good and that's the way it should be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> raven and octavia won't let up and cause a few mini golf disasters (feat. cute af lexa woods)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a huge thank you and shout-out goes to my wonderful beta, meredith (imjustakoalabear on tumblr)! thank you, thank you, thank you!

Lexa startled when she felt, more than heard, Clarke walking up and standing next to her.  


“Everything okay?”  


“Mhm,” she reassured, rubbing her arms up and down to try to warm herself.  It was still summer, but the late afternoon mountain weather was chilly.  Everyone had been loading up the vans for over half an hour, and she knew she should wrap it up so they could leave soon, but she couldn’t stop staring into the seemingly endless mountain range.    


“It’s beautiful.”  


For a moment, Lexa allowed herself the romantic fantasy that Clarke was looking at her, rather than the scenery, when she said that.  Sighing, she turned her gaze away and let her eyes settle over the sophomore that was quickly becoming so, so important to her.    


Clarke, clad in tiny pink Nike shorts, a loose, long sleeved grey shirt, and black flip flops, leaned over to nudge their shoulders together.  Lexa allowed herself to quickly brush away a few flyaway pieces of hair that had made their way out of Clarke’s loose ponytail.  Realizing how comfortable she had become touching Clarke and having Clarke touch her, in only a matter of days, Lexa snatched her hand away.  Everything was pulling her toward Clarke, but she could not keep the nagging feeling in her heart away.    


“Thanks for making sure we came here this year.  I guess it’s really up to Kane, but I’d like to think you and Bell had at least some say in our training.”  


“You are welcome, although, I am unsure how much influence Bellamy and I truly had over this trip.”  


“I can’t wait until January.”  


Lexa chuckled.  “I am always very disheartened to leave this place; however, the few days we spend here in January do make me question my love for it.”  


“It’s freezing, isn’t it?”  


“Completely.  I would reassure you with all the fun, warm, inside activities we typically participate in, but I do not want to spoil anything.”  At Clarke’s incredulous look, Lexa continued, “Guess you will have to wait and see.  Do pack warm, though.  Our first activity is usually a play off of the television show, _Survivor_ , and sophomores are the first group to be sent out without any supplies.”  


“Lexa Woods, was that a joke?!”  


“Wouldn’t you like to know?”  


Clarke felt a sudden, intense burst of warmth spread through her.  Alexandria Woods was the absolute cutest human being on this earth.  Before she could continue their banter, they heard Kane yelling for everyone to round up so they could get on the road.    


“As much as I’d love to stay out here with you and appreciate all that these mountains have to offer, I think we’d better head back up.”  


“Right.  Come on, then.”  


When the pair arrived at the awaiting vans, Clarke made a move toward the same van she’d driven up on, but Bellamy shook his head.  “We’re switching on the way home.  Bonding and shit,” he explained, tossing her duffle to her.  
  
  
Lexa raised an impressed eyebrow when Clarke caught the bag by its shoulder strap.  “That means you are with me.  You can take Anya’s seat in the front.”    
  
  
Clarke was never happier to spend four straight hours in a moving vehicle.  


XXXXX  


“Clarke.”  


Ignoring whoever was poking her arm, Clarke tried to roll over and accidentally smashed her head against the window.  Remembering she was in a van and there wasn’t an actual window in her bed, she blinked her eyes open and straightened in her seat.  “Wha?”  


“Do you have to pee?” Lexa asked, chuckling.  


“Nu uh.”  Closing her eyes again, Clarke drifted right back to dreamland, failing to register that she had been dreaming about the girl currently trying to wake her up.    


Ten minutes later, she was being shaken awake again, this time more roughly and by someone with much less patience.  “Clarke!”  


Whining, Clarke covered her face.  “Go ‘way, Bell.”  


“Get up, squirt.  I got you dinner.”  


At the mention of food, Clarke was up and alert in a millisecond, already reaching in Bellamy’s general direction for whatever he had gotten her.  “Whatizzit?”  


“Cicada soup,” he deadpanned, thoroughly immune to her tired behavior.  


“Wendy’s, unfortunately.”  Lexa had slid back into the driver’s seat, salad bowl and iced tea in her hands.  “I believe he ordered you a chicken salad and diet coke.”  


“So much for head RA solidarity, huh?”  Thrusting the drink into Clarke’s lap, Bellamy rolled his eyes at his cousin already ripping open her bag of food.  “You’re welcome, by the way.  If I were Octavia, you’d still be sleeping, stomach grumbling like the dinosaur it is.”  


“O woulda gotten me two dinners,” Clarke argued, using her teeth to open the salad dressing packet.    


“I’m going back to my van.  At least some of them appreciate me.”  


“Bye, loser!”  Clarke called, putting her drink into the cup holder to her left and slamming the door closed.  She’d thank Bellamy later.  It was too easy to rile him up.  “So whadja get?”   Turning to Lexa, she caught the smirk the other girl had on her face.  “I know, I’m hilarious.  But what the fuck is that?”  


Glancing down at her salad, Lexa rolled her eyes.  “Humble and smart.”  


“Well, if you won’t tell me…” Reaching over, Clarke plucked a chunk of lettuce and various toppings up between her pinched fingers and out of Lexa’s salad and shoved it in her mouth.  “On second thought, I still don’t know what the fuck that is.  It’s good though.”  


“It’s quinoa,” Lexa huffed out in between laughs.  “You are in rare form after waking up from a nap, I see.”  


“Queen shwhat?  And I’m always in rare form.  Don’t worry, the longer you know me, the more appreciative you’ll be.”  


“Quinoa,” Lexa correctly gently, still laughing.  She almost added, _I have a hard time already not appreciating you_ , but she stopped herself.  “Would you like some, using an actual utensil this time?”  


“Naw, I’m good.  I’m gonna shove this caesar salad down my throat and then mess with the radio until I find something we can all play road trip karaoke to.”  


Lexa simply sighed and tried to settle the butterflies in her stomach.  


XXXXX  


“How fucking slow do you walk!  You text us that you were leaving the parking lot like twenty whole minutes ago.”  


Eyes lighting up, Clarke ran the rest of the way down the hallway, only stopping when her body collided with two girls standing in front of her room.  She avoided asking them how they got into the building when their student IDs weren’t activated for the year yet.  Now that she was an RA, she technically couldn’t condone either of their misconduct.    


“Hi!” she squealed instead, letting Octavia pick her up and spin her around in circles.  “I missed the hell outta you two these past few days!”  


“We missed you, too, but more so, we missed your endless supply of freeze pops, fuzzy socks, and Netflix subscription.”  


“And all the good snuggles,” Octavia added, bouncing on the balls of her feet.  


“Yeah, that too.  Let us in!”  


Clarke rolled her eyes playfully and unlocked her room.  Raven didn’t even let her take the key out of the door before she was pushing through, grabbing a lime freeze pop from the mini fridge, and hopping onto Clarke’s bed, kicking off her shoes mid-action.  


Octavia followed, grabbing her own grape freeze pop and tossing Clarke an orange one.  “How was camp?” she asked, jumping up onto the bed beside Raven.  “Please tell us you locked Bellamy outside with a wild bear or something?”  


Taking a moment to suck on her freeze pop, Clarke thought over what to actually share with her best friends.  Concluding that her deliberation was futile, because both her cousin and Raven could read her like an open book, she let the freeze pop dangle from clenched teeth and threw her duffle bag on top of Octavia’s legs.    


“Help me unpack and I’ll start with the story of how I managed to get whip cream up Bellamy’s nose when he wasn’t even part of the training game we were playing.”  


Twenty minutes, five embarrassing Bellamy stories, and three crying from laughter tear bouts later, Clarke was officially unpacked and settled in bed in between Octavia and Raven.  “Cuddle me and I’ll give you even more juicy details of my trip.”  


Both girls shot down and slung opposite arms across Clarke’s abdomen.  “Please tell me you at least hooked up with someone hot?”  


“I did _not_ hook up with anyone!”  


“Oh.”  


“We thought that’s what you meant by juicy.”  


“You’re both idiots.  Get your heads out of the gutter.”  


“Our heads live in the gutter.”  


“Hey, speak for yourself, horn-dog,” Octavia said, absentmindedly drawing circles against the space between Clarke and Raven’s arms, making both girls sigh contentedly.  


“So spill,” Raven prompted a few minutes later, glaring across Clarke when Octavia stopped rubbing their arms.  “And you, keep it up.”  


“Yeah, feels good,” Clarke mumbled, pulling herself out of the sleepy state she had quickly fallen into.  “So.  You guys know Lexa right?”    


Raven snorted into her neck.  


“Ew, Rae!  Kindly wipe your fucking snot off my collarbone, please.”  


Ignoring her, Raven continued laughing, loudly.    


“Do we know Lexa,” Octavia said, cackling along with the other brunette.  “Clarke, you dumb ass.”  


“Okay.  So you guys know Lexa.”  As their laughter continued, she huffed.  “Shut the hell up if you want me to continue.”  Silence immediately followed.  “That’s what I thought.  Anyway - I needed someone to go with me because I wanted to draw after dinner and it was dark.  Kane has this dumb buddy system rule.  Bellamy, the ass that he is, refused to go with me, and Lexa ended up offering-”  


“Her services?”  


“If you don’t shut the fuck up, Rae.”  


Raven dramatically zipped her lips with her pointer finger and thumb.  


“So, long story short-”  


“Long story long, please,” Octavia requested.  


“ _Long story short,_ I ended up freaking out because we were near a lake, Lexa comforted the hell out of me, I spilled my soul to her for hours on end, and we’ve been… weirdly intimate ever since.”  


“Define weirdly intimate because all I’m picturing is ya’ll making a dildo out of like campfire wood and getting it on in a tree or something.  Also, you’re okay right?  Nothing happened at the lake?”  


Clarke looked at her cousin incredulously and Raven began rolling around the bed in hysterics.    


“ _Oh my god, O, no_!  Weirdly intimate meaning like, emotionally connected or something.  And yeah, I’m fine.  It was nothing, honest.”  


“ _Emotionally connected_ ,” Raven repeated, winking at Octavia and throwing the pair into another obnoxious fit of laugher.  “Through their vaginas.”  


“I hate both of you.  So, so much.”  


“No, C, seriously, I’m so happy for you.  We know how much you liked Lexa last year.  Shit, I was states away from you for two months this summer and I could hear your distant calling of her name, how pretty her emerald green eyes are, and how much you worship the ground she walks upon.”  


“We are happy for you, C,” Raven promised, chuckling at Octavia’s dramatics.  “So what’s she like?  Ya know, outside of her RA persona?”  


Settling in, Clarke began rambling on and on about the brunette living two floors up.  


XXXXX  


“I cannot believe I let you talk me into this,” Clarke hissed, hand raising to knock on Lexa’s door.    


Meanwhile, Octavia and Raven were doing nothing to hide the matching, excited smirks on their faces.  


The door swung wide-open, effectively stopping Clarke from saying anything else.    


“Hello?” Lexa had showered and changed.  Her wet hair was down, slung over her left shoulder, and she was wearing black shorts with a sleeveless white button up tucked into them.  Clarke glanced down, ignoring how ridiculous it was that she felt the need to see if Lexa’s toenails were painted, and was pleasantly surprised at the lavender shade staring back at her.  A throat clearing had her head shooting back up.    


She made eye contact with Lexa and offered what she hoped was her most apologetic, warm smile.  “My best friends are dragging me to play mini golf with them.  Please come?  I’m going to need someone to help keep me sane and you’re my top choice.”  


Raven and Octavia barely covered up their laughter with fake coughs.  


The head RA blushed and stuck her head further out of her room, nodding and waving shyly at Clarke’s friends.    


Both Octavia and Raven looked to Clarke, eyes wide, jaws dropped, once Lexa glanced away from them and back into her room.  Clarke rolled her eyes and ignored their mouthings of _she does smile, she is shy?!,_ and _your top choice - gag me!_  
  


“So...wanna come?”  


Lexa glanced back to Clarke and opened her door wider.  “I…”  Her initial thought was to refuse, with a polite excuse, but Clarke was staring at her with such hope in her eyes that Lexa couldn’t stomach turning her down.  “I would love to accompany you, Clarke.  Please come in, all of you, and make yourselves comfortable.  I just need to quickly throw myself together a bit.”  


Stumbling into the room behind Lexa, Clarke stuck both her middle fingers up at Octavia and Raven behind her back.  


XXXXX  


“You want green, C?”  


Narrowing her eyes at the mischievous look on Octavia’s face, she nodded.  “Yes, _O_.  Lexa, what color would you like?”  


“Blue, please.”  


“Is that your favorite color?” Raven asked, tossing her red ball back and forth between her hands.  Without letting her answer, she kept talking.  “Ya know, Clarke’s eyes are blue.”  


“Oh, my god.  Let’s go.  Raven, shut up.  Octavia, hand me a scoresheet and pencil.”  


Five minutes and an intense argument between Octavia, Clarke, and Raven over the order of players later, and the four college students were walking toward the first hole.  

Lexa, having offered to go first when all three other girls adamantly refused and began yelling at each other, knelt down to place her golf ball.  Straightening back up, she glanced back and forth between the hole and her ball before easily sinking a hole in one.    


“You’re fucking me,” Raven said, tossing her ball for Clarke to place onto the putt.  She’d never admit it, but she knew Clarke knew kneeling up and down eighteen plus times would kill her leg.    


“Sorry?” Lexa asked, moving out of the way and standing as close to Clarke as her mind would allow.    


Waving her off, Raven shot her a friendly smile and hit her ball.  She groaned when it bounced off the back boundary and shot right back down to the beginning.  


“Ha, ha!” Hip checking her out of the way, after making sure Octavia was on her other side in case Raven stumbled, Clarke dropped her own ball and steadied it with her foot.  “Watch and learn, loser.”  


Though she didn’t get a hole in one like Lexa, Clarke did manage to shoot her golf ball pretty close to the hole, smiling cockily afterwards.    


“Alright, Go-Tavia, you’re up.”  


Lexa tried very hard not to laugh at the nickname or the hard-set determination set on Octavia’s face.  The girl took an immensely long amount of time lining her golf ball up perfectly, adopting what Lexa thought was maybe an attempt at a professional golf stance.  Assuming Octavia actually had some semblance of mini golf talent, her jaw dropped when the sophomore hit her ball so hard (and crooked) that it flew toward the fence separating the course from the mainroad.    


All four pairs of eyes watched as the ball sailed _through_ the wire covered fence and right into two lanes of traffic.  


“How…”  


“The _fuck,_ O?”  


“Oh, god.”  


Octavia doubled over in laughter, Raven was slapping her good leg in hysterics, and Clarke had fallen to the ground, clutching her stomach and silently howling.  Lexa was so shocked she barely registered what just happened in enough time to join in the laughter before Clarke was up off the ground and running toward the road, screaming “I got it!”  


“Look both ways!” flew out of her mouth before she could stop herself, cheeks immediately reddening more than a Heinz ketchup bottle.  


Her comment only sent Raven and Octavia into another fit of hysterics, both of whom were still crying with laughter by the time Clarke came back, ball successfully clutched in her palm.  


“Well, then.”  


XXXXXX  


By hole number four, Lexa was no longer shocked or holding back her laughter.  Not only did they have to let two families go ahead of them because they were taking so long on each hole, some combination of her three teammates’ balls had ended up in the water, back onto the street, whacking a poor father in the hip _and_ shin, and in numerous holes they hadn’t been actively putting on.    


“Are you embarrassed yet?” Clarke asked, both of them watching Raven and Octavia climb through bushes in an attempt to find Raven’s golf ball.  


“Would you like the honest or nice answer?”  


“Both.”  


“Hmmm.  I would like to tell you you are all doing very well, trying your best, and encourage you to try and keep your balls at least within a few yards of us the next time you shoot, however...well, you guys really _suck_ .”  


“Oh, god, Lexa,” Clarke laughed, “why weren’t we friends last year?”  


“I could think of a few reasons,” she replied wittily, glancing around them and widening her eyes at every obstacle the group had already run into.    


“You’re funny.”  


“Thank you?”  


“You should joke more often.”  


“If everyone laughed the way you do, I would never do anything besides try to be funny.”  Realizing she said that out loud, Lexa straightened her back and swallowed in an attempt to come across as poised.  


Instead of responding and calling her out, Clarke simply laughed again and nodded toward their two missing teammates.  “Bets on how long it takes them to give up and go ask the high school kid working the register for a new golf ball?”  


“Well, they are nothing if not determined.”  


XXXXX  


Fourteen holes later, after Lexa swept the floor clean, _under par_ , Raven suggested losers buy milkshakes at the dessert bar close to campus.  A week ago, Lexa would have been actively wracking her brain for an excuse to get back to her room.  Tonight, Lexa didn’t hesitate at all before readily agreeing and joining in teasing Clarke and Octavia for finishing the game, a full twenty-six and twenty-eight points behind Raven, who already trailed Lexa by at least another twenty.  If this was what having friends was like, she seriously needed to reconsider her stance on keeping people at a six thousand yard length.    


“They still have the kitchen sink milkshake, right?” she asked, climbing into the backseat of Octavia’s car with Clarke.  


“Please order that.”  


“You like it, too?”  


“I’ve never had it.  But if you order that, I can probably even get the staff there to joke about C and O’s scores being fit for the garbage disposal.”  


As stupid and obnoxious as the joke was, Lexa found herself chuckling, her silly, bright eyes meeting Clarke’s, and then Octavia’s in the rearview mirror.  “How have the three of you not gotten yourselves kicked out of every establishment ever?”  


“You have no idea.”  


“We kinda have.”  


“Only the fancy places.”  


Snorting, Lexa snapped her seat belt into place.  “Noted.”

  


**Author's Note:**

> find me at buildyourownarchitecture on tumblr!


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